Now that I am halfway through my university degree (that is, if I’ve passed everything), I’ve decided to sit down and work out exactly what I’ve learnt so far.
They have nothing to do with my degree….
1. How to parallel park
University parking just may be the reason I get sent to a psych ward for uncontrollable rage. If I arrive at uni any time after 7:45 in the morning, I most definitely will not be getting a park that day.
Do you know how hard this is to deal with when you haven’t yet had a coffee?
It’s not that there aren’t any parks left, however the few that are there are normally in awkward spots, or tiny spaces left by idiotic P-Platers who’ve had their licences for two weeks and don’t yet know what the white markings on the side of the road mean.
Because of this, I’m forced to make 18 attempts to manoeuvre my car into some ridiculous spot, in order to actually spend the day at uni. Luckily, my car is teeny tiny, and at the halfway point, I can confidently say (on a good day) it takes me a maximum of five attempts to reverse parallel into a park. Any more than that and I just give up and go home.
2. How to function on minimal sleep
Experts say a young adult should aim to sleep between 7 and 8 hours each night, in order to maintain healthy brain activity and all that jazz. I say, to hell with advice from medical professionals.
Sleep is for the weak, and anyone that tries to tell me otherwise is wrong. A few hours each night is absolutely fine, as long as you lay out your clothes and pack your bag the night before. These tips are crucial. If they aren’t followed you’ll most likely arrive to uni wearing two different shoes (happened), forget to wear your glasses (also happened), or think it’s a completely different day and take all the wrong books (a weekly occurrence).
3. Coffee can definitely be considered a meal
Everyone knows a poor uni student will have a very different diet to a regular human being. We tend to be a little more savvy with our money and adjust our tastebuds to like the Home Brand food varieties found at our local supermarket.
Despite this, I’m fairly certain I speak for all caffeine lovers when I say coffee is something I will never skimp on. Because of this, I consider a strong caramel cappuccino to be a substantial lunch and/or breakfast. It’s also fast, kind to the wallet, and can be easily transported from class to class.
4. Text books and lectures have one thing in common
They are unnecessary. End. Of.
5. The ability to get ready in under ten minutes
When you’ve had a mere 4 hours sleep and need to be up and looking semi professional by 7:30am, it’s kind of the biggest mission in the world. Luckily, I’ve narrowed my morning routine down to 15 minutes, maximum.
Step 1: Throw on the closest pair of jeans and a baggy t-shirt – forget the bra
Step 2: Brush your teeth and put in earrings to make it look like you put in effort
Step 3: Brush your eyebrows up and slap on some mascara
Step 4: Slick your hair into a bun, throw on some shoes and you’re done.
6. Headphones are vital
If you forget your headphones, you’re going to have a bad day.